好久不见 (hǎo jiǔ bù jiàn) Long Time No See

ni hao! duibuqi wo bu xie. (Hi, Sorry for not writing)
I have been very busy with school. I FINALLY moved from my grandma's apartment into my friends house. I have my own room and Paco sleeps next to me every night. :)

I guess you can say life is getting better, and it is. My worries now are mostly financial. Which is better than all that emotional crap I think.

ANYWAYS, lets talk specifics. I took Chinese last semester, but they didn't offer Chinese 2 this semester, so I have to wait till this Spring. Isn't that crap? Who does that?

Sooooooo I decided to take ASL to fill that gap. I LOVE it! It is an amazing language. I believe I am doing well, and will be continuing. Next semester I will be taking Chinese 2 and ASL 2. I'm a crazy bitch, huh?

I think I can do it, as long as I don't slack. Right now I am practicing everything I learned in Chinese 1 so I won't be too behind for Chinese 2. I'm excited. Hopefully when I transfer (to maybe Cal State San Bernardino) I will take Korean xD. "We'll see what all gets done"

Tonight I slept in the livingroom...

I usually sleep in my Grandma's bed, but tonight I don't even want to look at her.

I know she doesn't want pets in the house but I promised to keep him in the carrier, I would only take him out outside, and he would only be there at night for at most 2 nights. BUT NO.

She starts going off about why can't my family help or someone else. I told her I tried everyone else and what I got doesn't work till he gets his shots and neutered. So, she finally says fine and we hang up.

She calls back apologizing for acting that way, and it wasn't my fault that my family couldn't help.

The best part is, when my Dad came to pick up Paco and I, he tells me she called him and went off about the Paco not having a place to stay and his shots already. WTF?!

She called my Dad about things before, but especially now that I'm 18 he has no control over me anyways. I know she means well but sometimes i want to yell and tell her all the crap I hold in because I don't want to hurt her feelings.

So I snuck my turtle light, blanket and pillow into the living room and have been on the computer. Maybe when I get off, she will be sound asleep and hopefully won't notice I didn't come to bed till she gets up to go to work. But I'll still be asleep. I just don't want to deal with it.

Fustrations and Tears

Today I got a text from my best friend:

Friend:

What time are you coming to get Paco tomorrow?

Me:

You said 31st

Friend:

No. I said the 30th. Not The 31st

Me:

Ugh, not gonna argue, can I get him on the 31st?

Friend:

My Mom said TOMORROW.

Me:

Stop yelling at me

Friend:

I'm not yelling. We've been over this.

My mom said the 30th and that's what I told you.

You need to come

Me:

Fine

Friend:

What time are you coming

Me:

Ill tell you when I know

Friend:

Ok

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I Swear she said 31st, but I know she wouldn't let up so I just didn't argue. One fucking day's difference, she couldn't have made the situation easier since there was a miscommunication? I'm tired of her thinking I always fuck up what we say.

She is still my best friend, but with our slight drama she's finally made me cry over it. She knows how much I care about animals and about Paco. She doesn't treat him like she should, she favors bro, and yet gets made when he whines cause he's lonely.

The worst part is that I have nowhere for Paco to go until a couple weeks from now. I refuse to send him to the shelter.

He is a bit strange. He is part chihuahua so he shakes, he always looks scared and pees in the house. I really believe he does it because he needs to go, but he can't hold it anymore and they aren't letting him out yet. I mean, it's not like us, we can just go to the bathroom whenever, animals can't.

I'm not looking forward to seeing her tomorrow. We need space, I need to get myself together and focus more on me and less on her.

I need to get out

I can't stay with my Grandma forever. I refuse to move back home. UGHHHHH!

Why is life so difficult? It's like a test you can't really pass.

I can't stay here for much longer, we are arguing all the time, she bugs me about the smallest things and my temper is starting to get past me. I've found myself snapping at her and others.

This isn't healthy. Maybe I should just live in my car.

Presents

I went all Santa Clause today and delivered my presents. I only spent money on shipping for one package to my family in Utah.

It may seem cheap, but the presents had thought to them. I think it's better to get something inexpensive that is really for you, than an expensive gift that was just bought because it looks cool.

I challenge everyone to spend very liitle money next year AND to think hard about every gift. If you listen to people, they will tell you what they want, even if they don't know.

P.S: I want an Easy Bake Oven xD

Getting there

I finally went out with some friends. It was amazing. I was just happy to see them again. I think things are better...a lot better.

I feel more open, I have more energy...HECK! I'm about to clean this whole apartment in detail.

That doesn't happen often, usually when I'm sad, but not this time. ^-^ Ahhhhhhhhhh, YAY! Haha


I know I'm a dork but..something so common, so usual, is never appreciated until it's gone. I have been the subject of that.


SOOOOO..LESSSON HERE! Think about what you have...appreciated it!

Starting things off

I just wanted to write. About anything. Just feelings and thoughts and anything.

Things seem to get better, but then the walls close in around me, just enough that I feel like I can't breathe. I know life could be much worse, and is for some people...but I can't help but feel held down.

I want to explore, I want to feel love, I want to improve in so many things. I don't know how to do so without help from my friends.

All the people who I left in High School haven't changed much, but a lot has happen that I feel I should have been there for. They are kind of like my children. I watch them, talk to them about problems, and make sure they are heading in the right direction. How do I do that without being there? I've started to get back into their lives.

I have more friends..but I feel like everyone is slowly drifting away. New friends are friends I can text, and talk to...but not about important things. They aren't as close as friends usually are. How do I fix that?

Hopefully I will figure it out. In the mean time, I'm just going keep pushing these walls away.